how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
smell my finger.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
