I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
