Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
