The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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