You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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