Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
