so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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