dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
