i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
