I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have fence marks all over my body
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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