I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
