im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
