billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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