So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
