he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ttyl tear gas
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
