I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
