i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
