my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
