Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
