he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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