You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
