Im at strip club and am horny
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
