im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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