I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
