Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
