I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
