I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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