Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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