What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
