i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
