So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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