I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
