dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
