Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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