DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
