We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
