Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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