my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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