i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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