The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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