Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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