Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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