i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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