last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
