So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
they need to just BURY HIM!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
