I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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