I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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