Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
