They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
