you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
