I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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