Jerry, you need to find god
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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