please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
