i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
