Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
